As I type this I’m sat on the floor of the games room at Fishguard bay Resort. We are doing some travel for some upcoming blog features. The sun is shining, some chilled out music is playing outside and Fred is stacking Jenga bricks with his dad.
It didn’t start chilled though. The anxiety of ‘taking a toddler ANYWHERE’ started to rise at about lunchtime, I was too busy before that. I had to dash to town to find a bra that I don’t spill out of the top of. Bra shopping – Possibly as stressful as dealing with a toddler.
But we are here, He’s clean. I am going to sleep with wet hair and spend most of the day tomorrow realising that it was the worst decision ever.
Last week was OK, No illness. A return to normality and kids clubs for Fred. A weekend Full of Catering work. It was normal. It was nice after all the illness stuff. It was also maternal mental health week and if you haven’t checked out the special post I published by Amy from the Single Parent Network. Click here and check it out now.
I really believe we all have stories that relate to Maternal Mental Health. I know I do. It took me over a year to settle into Motherhood. I’m not scared to share it because I am out the other side but it’s important for me to say that in case other mothers are feeling the same or feeling that it is wrong. It’s not wrong.
For me, Motherhood was the most overwhelming change you could ever imagine. Everything changed. I went from being Miss Independent/career gal to being handed a baby, giving up work, losing my financial independence and most of the social relationships I knew.
I traded The City and solo lunches in Pret to the village and as much as I wanted to love it. I was lost.
The body I lived in was not my own. I felt I had nothing in common with other mums but most of all, I felt like I should be OK. So I slapped a smile on my face and got on with it.
Two days after a traumatic birth I was in a garden centre meeting people for tea and cake! I look back on that now and think ‘What the hell were you doing?’ but at the time, the only this I could do was what I thought ‘Normal’ looked like.
My son will be two this summer and the biggest Motherhood blessing I have learned is that my normal doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. It’s OK.
It’s OK to stay in bed in the morning because I’ve been up half the night.
It’s OK to not spend my weekend filling my Facebook feed with fun family activities because I work ALL weekend and have weekdays off.
It’s OK to take Fred traveling.
It’s OK to feed him what we eat.
It’s OK to parent they way that I see fit & most importantly in a way that fits in with me, my life, my ways.
Life is hard enough without feeling like every move or decision we make is wrong and I lost a year, my first year in Motherhood thinking that I needed to make it look pretty. I needed to lose the weight, I needed to go to the groups, and I needed to make craft. I don’t. It’s not me and that’s OK.
Do whatever the hell makes your days pass, makes them enjoyable and makes parenting a thing you can tackle. That’s the only advice I can give. But also know that it’s not all rosy and that many of us suffer from mental health issues throughout our lifetimes and that’s OK too. What’s not OK is keeping it to yourself, suffering in silence and not getting the support and help you need.
So now I’m going to tidy up the massive stack of Jenga the boys have left and the chalk is strewn on the floor and hopefully, by the time I post this and get back to the pod, there may just be a cheeky wine waiting for this mama.
Whatever you do this week I hope you rock it and it fills your heart with joy. Love, Me xx